Some Ambitions

I've been trying to work out for a while now, what exactly I want to do with my life. Not just over the next few months, but in the long run. The truth is I don't think I really know.

The problem is I want too many things, some of which might be mutually exclusive:

• A job - The type of job I want seems to vary from month to month. At the moment I think doing contracting might be the best option but I'm paranoid about the personality questions in the inevitable application questionnaire. They seem to want you to have leadership experience, and I struggle to come up with relevant examples.
• To have hobbies - There are loads of things I'd like to be able to do. Dancing, knitting, yoga, archery, gardening, DIY, sewing, Bell ringing (?), walking, horse-riding (?), climbing, hang gliding and many more I cant think of at the moment. The problem is there simply wont be time for all that if I have a job.
• To have a family (eventually) - I want children, but there are so many issues. I would love to be able to be a proper mother to these hypothetical children, and be a stay-at-home mum, but I'm also worried that if I do that several things might happen: I might be driven insane by the mundanity (is this a word?), I might not be a good mother, I might struggle to get a job in my field once they're big enough for me to work again, I think I'd have difficulty with the idea of relying on my hypothetical husband for money (not to mention the fact that if I weren't working there'd be less money in general) the idea of spending someone elses hard earned money doesn't sit well. I'd like to be able to have my own disposable income to spend on whatever I'd like... to treat myself occasionally. The other thing in the back of my mind is whether its responsible to have children... what with world population growth, global warming and the general mess that this world is getting itself into (melodramatic I know).
• To have a nice home - I know its shamelessly materialistic, but I do. I want a period house, that I can decorate how I like, that I can keep relatively tidy and uncluttered (mess drives me potty), that I can be proud to have dinner parties in. I want a place that I can unwind in and feel safe. Further to this I want to be able to make this house as eco-friendly as possible. I want solar panels if they'll work, ground source heat pump, greywater recycling and double glazing plus other things I havent thought of yet. I want a big garden so I can grow my own vegetables and have an orchard. I want to do it and stay in-keeping with the period of the place. I want to prove that it can be done without spoiling a place.
• To be involved in good causes - I want to feel like I've done something useful in my life. I used to think I could do that with my job, but thats seeming increasingly unlikely, so instead I want to volunteer for stuff. I've been using the excuse of being a poor student to get out of giving to many charities, but I dont want to keep doing this. I dont want to have the poverty complex that my parents have.

I may continue this later, but by now you should be getting the idea. I know I cant do all of it, and this makes me sad.

It should be noted that none of this is intended to be a hint to my boyfriend, or to scare him, its just a sample of what goes through my head.
Yes, I will try and stop worrying, however inevitable it may be.

Gingerness

If anyone addresses me by the colour of my hair again, I may lose it. What is it with people?

Why is it considered acceptable to discriminate against ginger people, when its not ok to do similar for different religions or races? Why is hair colour exempt? Its ridiculous!

People might think its only harmless fun, but sometimes it can be vicious. When I was in school I got bullied, for various things, but among them was being ginger. People dont seem to grasp that simply using the word 'ginger' with hard 'G's can bring it all back in moments, the horrible things people can say.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6725653.stm

Some people object strongly whenever anyone tries to compare prejudice against redheads with racism, but I'm not sure. True, we've never (to my knowledge) been enslaved for being ginger, but that doesnt generally happen much anymore anyway. I've been called 'GinGer' with such hatred in the past that it almost equals how I imagine I'd feel if I was black and someone used a racist term against me.
Ive also been told that in history people have been killed for being ginger, because people thought it meant they were of the devil. I'm not sure I'd dare go to some African countries because I'm told people there think redheads are witches, and may hurt them.

There are some real morons in this country. I was walking back from the centre of town yesterday, through Christs Pieces, when I heard someone behind me yelling; "Hey, ginger! Are you the ginger we're looking for?.......... Hey Ginger girl! Are you the ginger we're looking for?.... Oi Ginger!..."
I pretended I hadnt heard them and just walked on, because in my experience rising to them only makes things worse. I dont want to know why they were looking for a 'ginger', and I have no idea what they'd have said to me had I actually responded. I didnt think it was worth the risk.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/south_yorkshire/3233392.stm

Anyway. There's some of my rantings. Enjoy!

Today everybody goes

Today is the day all the sensible people go home. I am clearly not a sensible person.

Today is also the day I got my exam results. 2.2 if you're interested, and I'm rather pleased. I know that doesnt seem logical, but I was expecting much worse.

Doctor Who. Ive been having a Dr Who-fest since I've been hanging around with rather little to do, trying to see any episodes from the last 3 series's that I might have missed or forgotten. Vaguely in preparation for tonights episode, I want to have the best hope of understanding whats going on.
*wishes she'd watched it in the classic series's* All my knowledge of the Master is gleaned from wikipedia and a comic relief episode. I want to know when he was last seen and what happened to him then, and between then and him turning up at the end of the universe. He seems to have been finished off so many times, and I thought he had no more regenerations left? Or are they tactically ignoring that?

Meh.
Will just have to look forward to tonights episode... about 1h30m

post #1

Right.
New me, new blog.
I'm going to do my best to make this one about stuff I am interested in, rather than the mess which is my life. If you want to read about that I suggest you ask for my LJ.
Its 2.17 am, so I shall probably continue this another time, and leave it at this for now.